Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
