Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You pole danced in your parka.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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