May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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