oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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