; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
