you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
