What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize