My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Come on in and take your pants off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize