Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
