here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
