I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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