I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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