thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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