Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
