highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
