They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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