My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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