I'm going to jail i love you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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