I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
