Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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