Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
