just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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