if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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