I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
