If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
