And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
