he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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