and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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