Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
