I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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