I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
