I'm really into asian looking animals
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
