pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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