I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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