I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
