I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
