Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
