I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
