I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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