My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
