Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
