Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
