I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
