I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
