just come out here and I will go home with you...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
