he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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