exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
