I just made out with a guy for $7.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
