Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
