at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize