So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I currently don't understand fingers.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
