my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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