This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
