Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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