loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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