I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
