I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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