we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
