The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Come see our sink grown plant.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
