You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is wine microwaveable?
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just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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