I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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